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Jeff Chu is the author of Does Jesus Really Love Me?: A Gay Christian’s Pilgrimage in Search of God in America, follow recently moved to the South, and on Grindr Im noticing a lot more racist messaging in profiles, sometimes as overt as “no Blacks” and “no Asians.” Im wondering what I can (or should) do as a chat user? Is it sufficient just to block these people? Should I flag their profiles? Or should I message them and ask them to change their profile?Grinding Endlessly Against Racism In my experience, it’s perfectly OK to keep some of those preferences behind the curtain while you get to know us a bit as humans first.”įollow on Twitter. But liking us solely because of our race can be uncomfortable at best, and creepy as hell at worst. The last word goes to Booster: “A note to the rice queens who will undoubtedly write in about this man: We like that you like us. And while preferences are allowed (and gay men of color have them, too), there’s no excuse for littering Grindr or Tinder or Reconor your conversations in bars with dehumanizing garbage like “no Asians,” “no Blacks,” “no women,” ” no fatties,” etc. Do yourself the favor of making sure your preferences are actually yours, and not some limited and limiting racist preference pounded into your head by TV, movies, and porn. “The monastery wasn’t my calling, and I suspect it’s not EDDIE’s either.”Ī quick word to gay white men: It’s fine to have “preferences.” But we need to examine our preferences and give some thought to the cultural forces that may have shaped them. “I’ve been where EDDIE is, except shorter, less fit, and less good-looking, and somehow I found a husband,” said Chu. They’re out there.”Ĭhu has also managed to find romantic success in New York. Join a gay volleyball leaguetruly where gay Asian men thrive or find one of the many gay Asian nights at one of the gay bars around the city. There are meet-ups and clubs and activities for all stripes. Being a double minority can be isolating, but living in a big city can be great.
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“If logging on to a hookup app bums him out, take a break. “EDDIE should stay away from the apps if the experience becomes too negative,” Booster said.
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And it’s all of us, when we’re lazy and don’t confront our own prejudices.”īooster and Chu are right: Racism is a problem in the gay community, some people within are unfairly and cruelly marginalized, and we all need to confront our own prejudices.īooster, who somehow manages to have plenty of sex in New York’s white-painted gay community, had some practical tips for you.
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Even with all the LGBT characters we have on TV now, what images do we have of Asian American ones? It’s that LGBT-rights organizations still haven’t diversified enough, especially in their leadership. Many times I’d go into a gay bar and see guys playing out some gross interracial porno in their heads with me playing the part of their Chinese pocket gay.Ĭhu feels there’s plenty of blame to go around for this sad state of affairs. “Many of us who are Asian American come out of the closet and walk into this weird bamboo cage, where we’re either fetishized or ignored. Jeff Chu, a writer who also lives in Brooklyn, can relate: “Racism still thrives in the gay community, just as in broader society,” said Chu.
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“The double-edged sword of living in a city with a large gay community is that the community gets so large that we finally have the opportunity to marginalize people within it.” “I relate to a lot of what EDDIE is feeling here,” said Joel Kim Booster, a Brooklyn-based writer and comedian. What can I do? I might as well be a sexless monk.Enraged Dude Details Infuriating Experience Why is there no acceptance, no space, no welcome for me in this white-painted gay community? I’m six-foot-one, 160 pounds, fit, and very good-looking. I had the same pain of being gay in high school and the same fears when coming out, too. But it is unfair for a gay Asian like myself to be constantly marginalized and rejected. I understand that sexual attraction is subconscious for many people. Gay men, mostly whites and Asians, reject me because of my race and no one admits to their sexual racism. Dan As a queer man of color I’m Asian I feel wounded whenever I am exposed to gay men in New York City, Toronto, or any city where white gay men dominate. I hope everyone has a happy and safe Pride. Im taking a week off, so this weeks Savage Love is a reprint of a column that was originally published on January 13, 2016.